Many of you may have noticed that an angry and not very grammatical person calling herself “Firsttimeauthoress” is attempting to hijack the comments thread of my last post. What you may not have noticed is that Ms. Authoress has invaded earlier posts as well (I have this blog set to send all comments to my email address, since people often comment on older posts and I want to make sure I see them all). Here are some samples of Ms. Authoress’s distinctive prose stylings, which I’m reproducing, mistakes and all, partly because I think they’re amusing, and partly because she may try to delete them:
You people just love lording it around. You take delight in making publishing seem impossible to rub it in that you got published while most people don’t. to you, everyone is a scammer, a crook, a thief. You say writer’s digest is a joke but then admit that you’ve contributed. You ruin the reputations of good, hardworking people just out of sheer sadistic delight. 99% of what your right has no legal foundation at all. Your blogs arer sprinkled with ‘may have to pay’ ‘might be liable to pay damages.’ etc but nothing ever comes of it all. My blog shows that we don’t all need to follow your corrupt paths. there are peopleout there willing to help. fisttimeauthoress.blogspot.com
Yawn! Another story about ‘corrupt’ publishers. Grrr! It makes me mad. You’re so much about naming names. Can you give me the name of ONE, just one, agent or publisher that will actually look at a person’s book without rejecting it? You guys are the catholic church of publishing. Only our way is right and anyone else is a scammer, a crook… In our current economic climate, everyone from banks to car companies are going under, but when it’s a ‘vanity’ publisher it just has to be a premeditated scam. Have you ever heard of capitalism? Some companies actually do go under in hard times of recession. Anyway, in the true spirit of Writer Beware democracy, my comments will be deleted and I’ll be banned from posting again. The true spirit of this site. The brown noses are all on first name terms, any dissenters are mad, scammers, crooks and banned! For the truth, see firsttimeauthoress.blogspot proof that you can make it the ‘unconventional’ way.
Another non-issue. Everyone from my local supermarket to the Chinese restaurant to the car wash to Amazon send out e-mails and fliyers to advertise their products and services. Does this make them crooks? Ah, but if it’s someone in publishing that the bloggers here don’t like, it becomes a sinister criminal activity. My heart’s with you Brien Jones, another reputation built up out of lifelong hard work is ruined by these heartless women who just love to destroy people. My agent has suffered similar attacks from the likes of them, but soldiers on. My hefty check is proof of it.
And most recently, on How Not to Epublish:
All thge flunkeys that bow to these women are dorks. All sucking up thinking that one day she will get their books published for them. She’ll never help yo. Her goal inlife i sto lord it over you that she got publshed but that YOU didn’t. Thats why she runs this blog: to make people feel bad about failing. She loves to plug her (mediocre) books and rub them in your face! I’m going to write to Bill Maher to get him to do a piece on you people, so that you can be exposed for what you really are! He exposes ultra capitalists like a bodily function. You destroy the reputations of honest hard working Americqans and think you can get away with it. Then we’ll see who thinks they’re so smart! You’ll be on real time in february to account for why you contribute (for HUGE bucks) to the sites that you claimare frauds like yourself. Let’s see you explain that one away….
Plus other comments in that vein. As you’ll notice, Ms. Authoress has some grammar and spelling problems, something she explains by claiming that she’s so choked with emotion over her hefty advance check that she can’t write straight.
Who, oh who, can Ms. Authoress be, and why does she have such a major hair up her ass?
Well, let’s pay a little visity-poo to her Blogger profile. There, we learn that she has two blogs: Firsttimeauthoress and Seriousscifiwriter. Both blogs (which curiously, despite Ms. Authoress’s impressive facility with the English language, are on the Portuguese version of Blogger), have just one entry. Each of these solo entries extols the virtues of a wonderful, wonderful literary agent, who has just sold these first-time authors’ debut novels…the very same agent, in fact.
“Michele Glance Rooney, thank you. [sic] thank you God for making her come alive,” Firsttimeauthoress rhapsodizes. “After years in the wilderness, I finally received by registered mail this morning the hefty check for my first sale.” Says Seriousscifiwriter, who is, well, more serious: “I started writing science fiction for fun, but as time went by, I felt something stir inside me. This what what I wantd [sic] to do, what I had to do to answer some terrible calling from deep down inside. And as the plot unravelled [sic], I felt a sense of achievement. My hero, Dagmar, trapped in a time loop. It was hard to extricate him from that before he journeyed back to the dawn of time, but I managed it. It’s such a lonely task, writing and wondering if you can make the cut, if someone will want to read it. But if you have someone like Michele Glance Rooney by your side, things can work out just fine.”
Hmmm. Michele Glance Rooney. Regular readers of this blog may hear a bell ringing. They may be thinking, “Hey, isn’t Michele Glance Rooney a fee-charger who has been covered a number of times in the Writer Beware blog? Isn’t Michele Glance Rooney the agent who tries to find clients via out-of-the-blue email solicitations? Wasn’t Michele Glance Rooney the one who attempted to promote her services through a fake news blog and fake author blogs? Didn’t Michele Glance Rooney start a new literary agency under an alias a couple of years back? Isn’t Michele Glance Rooney included on Writer Beware’s Thumbs Down Agency List?”
Well, yeah. If that’s what you’re thinking, you’re absolutely correct. And if you’re also thinking that “Firsttimeauthoress” and “Seriousscifiwriter” are Michele Glance Rooney’s latest foray into fake blog identities, I’d say you were correct there too. (Ms. Authoress, natch, vehemently disagrees).
Michele Glance Rooney, you need to cover your tracks better. And for God’s sake, get poor Dagmar out of that time loop!
(The long list of blogs Michele maintains, both fake and in her own name, can be seen at her two separate Blogger profiles. She is also touting her PR services as Great Lakes Sales and Public Relations.)